Unhappy Meal

At most fast food restaurants they enforce a rule called the two finger smile. This rule dictates that if you put your top two fingers next to your mouth, holding the fingers together like you’re making a gun out of them, and then smile, your smile needs to be the same height as the fingers.

The strictness of the enforcement of this rule differs from restaurant to restaurant. I’ve been in some restaurants were the server has barely spoken let alone smiled and I’ve been to others where they smiled so much I became suspicious and in the end I left after asking for directions to somewhere I wasn’t going to.

One time though I was stupid enough to make a complaint. It happened like this:

It was a Tuesday afternoon and the restaurant I was in was fairly empty. Actually it was completely empty save for myself and the servers. One of the servers had on a red tie and a short sleeve shirt that denoted management.

I had ordered my meal, found fault with it and approached the counter.

‘Excuse me,’ I said. ‘I think there’s something wrong with my meal.’

My server said, ‘Yes, sir and what is the problem.’ He had a two and a half finger smile.

‘Yeah I bit into my burger and I suddenly had a very strong memory of being stood up for a date when I was sixteen by a girl who ended up with my best friend and broke my heart. I would have come and complained sooner but I’ve only just stopped crying.’

He nodded, ‘I see.’ He made a hand motion and the manager appeared at my side.

‘Yes sir, you were crying sir?’ said the manager with a three finger smile.

‘Yes. From eating your burger.’

‘Yes this is a common problem. You ordered an unhappy meal, sir?’

‘No, I ordered a happy meal.’

‘It’s a common mistake at the moment, sir, you see we’ve just started a new campaign promoting our unhappy meals. They’re a more depressing but healthier version of the happy meal. They also don’t come with a toy.’

‘Yeah I noticed that. Mine came with a small note saying that my glasses made me look a dork.’ I readjusted my glasses on my nose. ‘I like my glasses.’

‘They’re wonderful, sir.’

‘Okay then I’d like to change this for a happy meal then.’

‘No. That’s not possible.’

‘Why not?’

His smile had dropped to one finger status now. ‘You ordered an unhappy meal so you have to finish it. Company policy.’

‘I’ve left food unfinished here before.’

The smile dropped to half a finger. ‘What?’

‘I’ve left food unfinished here before.’

The manager turned to the server, ‘lock the door.’

‘Wait, wait, wait. What’s happening?’

‘You wıll eat the food you have wasted.’ The manager now had a two finger frown. ‘Eat it or there will be consequences.’

‘You’re a fast food restaurant manager. You have no power over anything in the real world.’

He smiled then, one finger, then two, three, four, his mouth stretching to five fingers then six then seven then eight..

He spoke in a voice that sounded like frying meat, ‘Eat.’

I looked down at the counter and saw the servers had gathered heapıng great piles of food there.

‘Eat,’ they hissed at me. ‘Eat.’

I reached over with a shaking hand and picked up the first of what looked like a hundred burgers. I slowly unwrapped it and began to chew, tears running down my face.

The manager eight finger smiled at me, ‘enjoy your meal.’

———————————————————–

This is my GLUTTONY entry to k8did’s Seven Deadly Sins series, which looks like its going to be an awesome set of challenges.

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