This is a late, late entry but I struggled. I wrote one, the first one here, and just couldn’t see the spark of invention in it. It was there and had stuff I liked but it didn’t pop, zing or (another sound effect indicating tasty writing). So I thought I’d put it aside and return to it but then it was the weekend and I was in a flash mob and at a wedding and Sunday was spent shopping and watching the Shining and now it’s Monday.
What follows are three attempts at the prompt from Madison Woods. The first two are my attempts and the third is my fiancée’s, which is very good and I should have just stolen her idea rather than posting her work but then I’d be a monster.
Changing your life is simple.
It’s all in the preparation.
First, find a Tibetan throat singer,
Change his name to Steve.
If his name was originally Steve,
Change it to Clive.
Then change it back to Steve.
Rent a blimp.
Fly as high as you can.
Tell terrible jokes into a stolen boom mike.
Look at the clouds.
Remark how they all look like sheep.
Count them and take a nap.
Attach electrodes to your armpits, nose and middle toe.
Turn on the power until you begin to tingle.
Open the blimp doors.
Say, ‘This is an adventure.’
‘And what would can I do for you today?’ Said the man when Wallace sat down.
Wallace hmm’d and mmm’d and said, ‘I want my hair to look like a blimp. A blimp floating in the air. Make it like the Hindenburg. A tragic explosion of hair (Oh, the hair-manity!). I Also want it flat but tall. Big yet compressed. I want it to exist in twelve-dimenisonal space. Y’know. Bigger on the inside. Yes, I want it to be cut in such a way that it grows backwards.’
‘Sir, I’m a dentist.’
‘Oh. In that case just a trim then.’
3. ADVICE (by Fiona Perry)
11 steps to dealing with that awful person in the office.
- Offer them a cup of scolding hot tea.
- Minimise contact.
- Master the art of looking too busy to talk.
- Never reveal your interests in case they share them and then ruin them.
- Invest in a pair of earplugs.
- Master the non-commital sound as a response to all comments.
- Learn to laugh at them while they think you are laughing with them.
- Organise the staff Christmas party – a blimp ride.
- Throw them off the blimp.
- Bask in the glory.