History’s Hairdresser – Captain Ahab

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Alright, Cap’n, how’s it going? Let’s get that massive hat off your head and have a look at ya. Right, do you want that beard trimmed? No. Are you sure? It does give you the look of someone who might not be right in the head. Intentional? Keeps the whale guessing? Right, well, that’s up to you.

Do you wanna hand getting into the chair? Y’know cos of your leg and all. No, the missing leg. Fine, fine, you’re the boss.

So how’s tricks? You still on that boat chasing whales? No need to get angry, just making conversation.

So this white whale, he’s definitely the one who had your leg off then? What a bastard! But y’know animals don’t really think like that, he’s just doing things on instinct isn’t he? I doubt a whale, white or otherwise, attacked you out of spite. No, I’m not saying you’re making it up, it’s just…do whales even eat meat.

No, Ahab, come back mate. Oh, whatever, piss off peg leg.

White whale my arse.


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