History’s Hairdresser – Christopher Columbus

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Chris! Haven’t seen you in ages. You’re looking tanned, where have you been? The New World? Never heard of it. Oh, you discovered it? That’s ace. I’m jealous, sometimes I’m at home, the wife’s complaining about one thing, my eldest complaining about something else, and I just think to myself, I’d love to be transported to my own island, somewhere where there are no other people. I’d love that.

Oh, there were other people there. Did they come with you? They were already there? I’m confused then, Chris. If there were people there, how did you discover it? Yeah, but you can’t say you were the first person there when there were already people there. If I went to a party and there were already twenty people there I can’t then say, oh, I was the first person at the party, because I wasn’t.

By accident? That’s even worse. That’s like me showing up a party already in full swing that I wasn’t invited to and saying I was the first person there.

Oh, you’re offended now? In that case see if you can discover the door and get out of here.

Bloody explorers, think they bleedin’ own the place.

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